How To Be Single And Love It
This is a subject I have struggled with and find that the majority of the worlds population struggles with this too. From first world, to third world countries, to the young and old; one of our main worries in life is finding love and keeping it. I lived this life for 20 years. Four years with my ex-boyfriend starting at age 15, then immediately with my ex-husband for 16 years. At the age of 35 I found first hand what this single stuff was all about. And, man,I have a learned a lot of hard but very valuable lessons.
For starters, I found the dating scene daunting and superficial. I hated the games people played and found that I was horrible at them. If someone wasn't showing interest in me, like not calling me back right away or texting me, I took this as a sign that they weren't good enough for me anyway. I figured if he was the right guy for me he would fall at my feet and answer to my beck and call- even after the first date. But then I did get those guys too, and low and behold, I didn't like them either. My mom, who is 72 and single, she too is finding herself in this game of wanting the guy who is hard to get and running from the one who tells her how great she is on the first date.
I could come to conclusions about us women, such as we are not into nice guys but like the bad boys (this is even more apparent in the book of 50 Shades of Grey, which I have not read but heard it was about a "bad boy" and how us women love those bad boys!). Are these the type of guys we really want? Perhaps they are there to teach us a deeper meaning about ourselves.
For me, I've come to realize that I attracted whatever vibration I was sending out. If I was looking for company but really not wanting a relationship, I would unconsciously pick guys who wound never commit. The nice guys taught me that they didn't challenge me nor help me bring out my internal power, which was needing to be set free. The bottom line was I needed to find myself, and stop criticizing guys for lacking the qualities I really lacked in myself.
After 2 years of frequent dating I came to realize that everything I needed was within me. I just needed to realize my greatness.
I learned tons from these guys and I'm forever grateful for them. But I have made so much peace with who I am and no longer look to men to make me happy or to fix me. Instead I have so much happiness within, and feel so much love for myself and my spirit, I no longer look outside of myself for happiness.
Believe me, this has been a very hard lesson to learn. Guys were ALWAYS my go to. In fact my first crush was in Preschool. Jeff Paradise! Oh, how I loved him. Now, however, I cherish every relationship (with men, my friends, co-workers, etc.. ) as connections with others who will enable me to grow though reflection and mutual giving. I still believe in love, but now I expect to go into my next relationship as a whole person, not a half person looking for someone to project my issues on (which is why I believe most relationships fail- including my own).
My life is fuller then I could have ever imagined and its so nice to say that for the first time in my life, guys are icing on the cake, but not necessary to my happiness. I'm already there!