Alone, But Not Lonely
I sit here more content then I have ever been in my life. I have all that I need and more. I have my health, my house, my kids, my friends. I have love from my students, clients and my patients. I have inspiration by way of books, people and of course my children. I have all that I need. Right now. Yet, I have fought this notion that I needed to be in a romantic relationship to be complete. It was a falsehood that I recently unmasked and found out that there is no truth in that. I can, and am, very happy and complete being alone.
I am alone but not lonely. I have known countless of other people who are going through a recent breakup almost immediately plotting their next date, next relationship and next marriage. Its as if they are in floating in the middle of a lake, not knowing how to swim and their only hope to staying afloat is to find the next partner in crime otherwise they will drown.
I know this feeling. I too spent countless days, weeks (well really years) asking the universe for my soul mate to come my way. I tried the online dating, going out to bars (I know this works for some, but those beer goggles were pretty heavy to carry around), and even joined clubs and did activities that I liked. I was always told, do what you love and then you will find him.
Here I am, four and a half years later and nada. Instead I have successfully gotten over the invisible wall that kept telling me that I needed to be in a relationship to be happy. I found that on the other side of this limiting wall there is a world of freedom, joy and unconditional love for myself.
I'm constantly pinching myself because I had no idea that I could really be this happy being on my own. I had to finally give myself permission to lavish in what I had in order to let go of what I didn't have. I had to let go of this falsehood that my happiness was on hold until "he" got here. And once I did this, an amazing thing happened. I became happier. I laughed more. I attracted amazing friends, including male friends who have shown me unconditional love through their friendship.
Now I see others who are starting off again, and I hope if you are one of those people my advice will help you stay single a little longer so you too can see how absolutely fabulous you can be on your own. Now I'm not saying to never be in a relationship. I only want to show you that your happiness can not wait. Learning to be alone will in fact only help you be more secure when that perfect partner does comes around.
There was a time I got so sad about being alone that I knew I had to change the way I viewed being single or I would fall into a deep, lonely depression. When I started to see the perks of being single I no longer felt like a social outcast who was never picked for a team. Instead I started my own team. One where being single was a blessing and not a curse. I have come up with a quick list to help you start to see how great it is to be single too!
Here are some very good reasons to be alone:
- You can do whatever you want to do without asking anyone for permission. Relationships are a constant compromise, so embrace this time to choose what your heart calls out for you to do and then do it!
- You can hang out with your friends whenever you want without having to worry about the other person's feelings. Not that all relationships are of the restrictive type, but from my experience, this is a problem for most coupled people.
- You can keep your place as clean (or messy) as you want. I know that most couples argue over household chores. So if you want to leave that coffee cup in the sink.. go for it!
- You can choose if you want to be alone and quite, such as reading a book and doing nothing (and saying nothing) all day. You can even choose to talk to yourself and dance around your kitchen naked. When your alone, there is no one there to keep your silly self from letting loose (unless you have kids of course, and running around naked may be a bit much).
- You can meet more people when you are alone. I know my Meetup group that I facilitate is filled with single people and now we have more plans then we know what to do with. Also taking trips by yourself, your guaranteed to meet more people than if you were with a partner.
I could easily add more to this list. In fact I once wrote a bucket list of things to do while I was single. It included going speed dating, going on an international trip on my own and skinny dipping with friends. I'm proud to say I did everything on my list.
When I became single I had a few friends tell me to take my time since they had never given themselves time to be alone. I am so thankful that I did. In fact I often find I am the envy of others who are struggling in their relationships. I hate to say it, but in my case, the grass is greener. I have never been so happy. Because I am alone, but not lonely. Oh no, not lonely at all.