Tragedies of Love
I recently had a frank conversation with this annoying dude that comes my way very often in my life. His name is Denial and we have a long standing history, he and I. He has kept me warm and cozy, even when I was cold and helpless. He put the umbrella up during downpours and gave me some pretty strong rose colored sunglasses so I wouldn't have to see the reality of my life.
Now, most would think its pretty awesome to have such a caring, loving presence to stand by your side. If I were to give him a name though, he would still be Denial, because in reality that is all he is. I have come to realize it is time for us to part ways and to give up my imaginary friend. For Pete's sake, I am a grown up after all!
But loves tragedies are what has kept him by my side for so long. I have given my heart in all of its rawness, only to have it beaten, chastised and ripped in pieces. My rational mind tells me, why on earth would you want to go through that again?! But my heart is starting to get louder. These two tend to duke it out, and my good friend and partner in crime step outside and share a beer or two until the coast is clear.
So, I have to ask myself, why do I fear opening up my heart again? I can honestly say I love almost everyone I meet. On a spiritual plane, I have no limits with my love. But God forbid I allow some man, some gorgeous adorable man, to get close to my heart. I think not!
Life, I am learning is about taking risk. Equally important is to be real with where you are and stop with those rose colored glasses. I never looked good in them anyway! I praise my heart for stepping in those puddles of uncertainty and with each step I take I get stronger and stronger.
I had a life coach speak at my Meetup group and what she said helped me realize that my lack of relationship is due to my lack of belief in my strength and ability to overcome issues that my younger self could not endure. I am a new me. A stronger, smarter, better version of me.
When I tell people my love tragedies, I hear of theirs as well. Yet they seem to have the courage to keep going. They are willing to let themselves be hurt again. They allow their heart to be broken again. And they are the ones who will find true love.
Now is my time to allow the love bug to find its way to my heart. For those of you who are scared too, please be brave with me. If anything, we will have lots of stories to tell. Haven't you noticed the best writers are the ones who have been heart broken?
So here's to love. Here's to courage. And most importantly, here's to living my life without Denial. I've got a new boyfriend coming my way.