Life and Death
My nursing career has hands down made me a better person. I feel more, care more and have a compassionate heart that mirrors Mother Theresa. My spirituality has blossomed in my days and nights as a nurse. My patients and all around me have come to benefit from my open and oh so loving heart. Yet so many people I meet say, "I could never be a nurse- kudos to you for doing it!" Yet I can't imagine not doing it. The rewards have been far too great.
Nursing has opened up doors to my heart that I had not known were accessible. I see, hear, and feel things that most don't experience in a life time. I often joke that us nurses see things that nobody should have to lay eyes upon. We experience all levels of emotion and are given seats, front and center, of our patients lives and their tragedies. The biggest and most dramatic of these life events is death. Yet it is my patients death that has touched my heart the most.
I have lost a lot of my patients over the years . Or better yet, I have helped then go to the birth canal of their new existence, wherever that may be. I've whispered in their ear while they released their last breath from their body, letting them know that its okay to go. It never ceases to amaze me that I have been the last living voice they may have heard.
In fact I still think of all of my patients whose heart touched mine in more ways than I can count. Like my long standing patient Carolyn with her jovial laugh and puppy dog eyes. Her love was infectious and her presence was that of pure beauty. She made everyone smile, especially me. I truly loved her.
Or my young Cystic Fibrosis patient, who as a loving young mom, had the courage to stay strong and pure as gold, even until the end. In fact when her 6 year old daughter was told her mom was dying, and that her mom had been so very strong through all of her illness, her daughter responded, "I know. I plan to be just like her and be strong too."
I was there too when I sat alone with my patients' husband , experiencing her last breaths together. I sent my love with her and wished her a safe journey. I know she heard me, even if I said this in silence.
Her husband felt relief that she was no longer suffering. Yet I understood his pain with starting a life a new without her. We hugged as if life-long friends. I feel so blessed to be there to help them through this life changing experience. This was the actual note he wrote on the board in her room shortly after she passed.
My life as a nurse has elevated me to one of unconditional love and compassion that exceeds most. My love for my patients is great and to have experienced one of the most precious moments in ones life, I will forever be a better person for it.
People often say that can't do what I do. I say, I can't believe how lucky I am to feel so much love from all around me.
I know my patients who have passed are now my angles. I imagine all of them smiling and dancing in the energetic sky, praising me for the work I now do as a nurse and as a Soul coach.
The lessons of life and death are great. I know now that love extends beyond this lifetime and is felt in spirit as well. I feel it all the time when I look into the eyes of all that I see. My patients have taught me to see with my heart.
I am blessed. I truly am.