What if I told you that I could rid you of all of your problems, fears, judgments,insecurities, and any other negative thoughts that have been plaguing you most of your life? Then I could replace it with feelings of abundance, love, security and lasting happiness. Then what if I told you that none of those negative “thoughts” were real? I mean,they seem real. They have a lot of power over our life, and we listen without much thought as to why we need to do what they say. We just know we need to do it! In reality, thoughts aren’t real. They are imagined. You know why I know this? I have to give a lot of credit to my meditation practice.
By meditating, I learned to see what my thoughts really are. At the same time, I learned to connnect with my core, or spirit. Over time I found that by following my spirit everything in my life seemed to flow better and for the first time in a long time, I actually felt comfortable in my own skin. For me, this was revolutionary!
I seriously started meditating 2 years ago, but like everyone who just starts a meditation practice; it’s hard to not feel like a failure. I first tried the “I’m going to clear my mind completely, be mindful and in control of those useless thoughts!” I often felt like I was in World War III, going back and forth in my mind to try and keep the thoughts from overcoming me! It kind of went like this….'Ok, my mind is clear…breathe, breathe…breathe…oh there’s a thought…now go away…breathe…breathe… I told you to go away! … breathe…now what are you doing here?...breathe… I only have 10 minutes, better concentrate… oh, I’m hungry,but forgot to go to the store, and I hope I mailed that bill, don’t want it to be late, what did that guy mean by lets hang out, I mean does he like me… OH GOD, I forgot to breathe! Breathe damnit, breathe!!'
This is the point I throw in the towel and walk away defeated and frustrated that I couldn’t even last 5 minutes!! What I experienced when I first started is a known as a “waterfall” of thoughts, and it is well documented that all people experience this rush of flooding thoughts when they first start their practice. I knew this, but it didn’t make me feel any better. But I was determined to get this down. I had spent the last 16 years of my life unaware of me, so I wanting to get down to who I was, and really felt like I could do this with meditation.
Over time, I did get what I asked for. Some clarity in my life and a whole lot of healing! But instead of “blanking” out my mind, I just sat and listened. I felt how my body felt when an emotion or thought came up that would provoke a strong sensation in me. Just by feeling this, I gained a lot of insight to how I was really feeling. I have had a lot of therapy, and I have never had the results that I got from mediation.
According to Pema Chodron in her book Comfortable with Uncertainty: 108 Teachings on Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion, “Sitting meditation gives us a way to move closer to our thoughts and emotions and to get in touch with our bodies.” I can’t even tell you how much meditation has changed my life! I used to prefer to live my life in denial. It was a lot easier to ignore than to face my issues head on. But I wasn’t happy, and in fact should have checked myself into a psyche unit at times. I really needed help, and I found that through meditation. I learned I was a pretty darn good healer.
You will be surprised about how much your internal psyche knows. All it takes is some patience, an open heart and 10-20 mins of quite time. But most importantly, be gentle with yourself! In time, it will get easier and you will find your days are brighter, your negative thoughts have less of a pull on you and you truly get to know yourself for who you are, which is compete awesomeness!